She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
