i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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