white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
