Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
whose ass print is on the piano?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
