and you said cock pushups were impossible
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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