y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
