Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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