I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
