yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Please, let me fuck your mom
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
