If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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