hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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