Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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