just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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