You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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