wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
