Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
