I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
