he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
