I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
