I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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