You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
