I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
