Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
