Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
