I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
