Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
