So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
