she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
