Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
