Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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