WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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