just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
