Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
