I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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