its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
