It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
