We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
tell me about the eggs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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