i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it because I queefed?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
