Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
