I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
