when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
