That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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