he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
