she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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