She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
