batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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