i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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