69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just forgot I was standing up.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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