Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How naked do you want me to be?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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