I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
