I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
