I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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