I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
