k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
