I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
