That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
