theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
