wanna go halves on a baby?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
