They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
