Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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